Claire O'Dell—Living in an Alter­nate Future

Starting with the terrible….

The voters of the US decided they valued ignorance over intelligence, and cruelty over…anything else. So now we’re stuck with that fascist dumpster fire and his equally fascist cronies. I believe we won’t survive–not our country, and definitely not anyone who isn’t a white male billionaire Trump sucks. Musk sucks. Zuckerberg sucks. Need I go on?

And while it only affects me, I also lost my beloved Fig Cat to cancer in late February. The disease came on swiftly and relentlessly, and when it became obvious the medication wasn’t helping, I had to make the hard decision to have her euthanized. I held her while they administered the tranquilizer, then the final shot, then I continued to hold her because it was so hard to let her go. She’s been cremated and her ashes scattered next to the lake across the street. Figgy saw me through so many hard times. I still miss her. May she run swift and light between the stars.

So after all that, what could possibly be good?

Well, the good is all personal. I adopted a new cat, young Theo, in April. He’s a sweet, affectionate boi, and I’m lucky we found each other. I did get some writing done during the year. Not a lot, but progress did happen. And I took a glorious vacation in Morocco this January, where I relaxed in cafes, restaurants, and parks, and took a breath-taking ride in a hot air balloon along the Atlas Mountains.

How to summarize last year? Major items would include spraining my ankle beyond belief. Finalizing my divorce. Changing my last name to something entirely new. Unpacking all my boxes and setting up my apartment, only to buy a new condo and move AGAIN. Grieving the death of my cat Octavia, aka Tiny Dragon, who passed away from cancer. And learning to live by myself. I did manage to write, but I came nowhere close to finishing the novel.

So what about 2024?

Usually, I try to set a few specific goals for the year. Over time those goals have become smaller in number and less grandiose in scope, but I told myself that a couple should be easy enough, right?

Yeah right. So far, this has not worked, not last year, not ever.

So. I am taking a step back from…a lot of things. I’ve removed the “bookstore” from my website, and I won’t be sending out newsletters. I’ve also admitted to myself that I don’t want to be in any kind of a romantic relationship. I like living alone with my beloved elderly cat. I like being accountable to myself and myself alone. If I want to take a nap at three in the afternoon, then watch five episodes of Death in Paradise, I can and will do that.

As for writing, I’ve decided not to worry about word count. Last year, I spent a lot of time pulling my hair and gnashing my teeth mostly because I was clinging too hard to the original plot for Mansfield Park, and because I didn’t have a clear vision of the magic system and how it connected to my characters. I took a step back–actually several steps–and reworked the plot and world building. But this novel has turned out to need a marathon, not a race. I need to take it day by day, paragraph by paragraph.

And in between, I just breathe.

Octavia, 2009-2023

Since my last post, I’ve been hard at work rebuilding my life. Fig-Cat and I have moved into our new apartment. I’m gradually furnishing the space and making it mine. Figgy immediately bonded with her new cat cave and overall has adjusted well. My emotional state goes up and down, but overall I’m adjusting too. I’ve not been able to write yet, but I did have a glorious New Year’s holiday in the Canary Islands.

Normally, when I write these posts, I summarize the year just past. To be honest, I can’t. I just cannot. Let’s just say that I wrote, albeit slowly, and I’m happy with what I wrote.

But for this brave new year, this 2023, I will dare to set a (very) few goals:

• I will finish NotMansfieldPark. And by finish, I mean an end-to-end draft that I have edited and polished until it gleams brighter than the sun. I started this nameless novel back in 2014, only to get tackled by Janet Watson and her story. This proved to be a good thing, because when I returned to the manuscript, I was a better writer. Now I can do justice to the story.
• I will make this apartment my own. That is, all boxes unpacked, all pictures framed and hung on the walls, all the small details carried out in a way that pleases me.
• I will go on another adventure somewhere in the world.

And that’s it. Let’s see how it goes.

What a year, oh what a year.

And that was just January.

Usually, with these year in review posts, I write about the highs and lows in my personal life and my writing. Between COVID and the alt-right, the world has changed in terrible ways, and I don’t have the spoons to summarize the year in any detail. Y’all lived through it, too, after all. Suffice to say that I’m still here, and I’m glad you are too.

For all that, I did manage to release new editions for both The Time Roads and my River of Souls books. And while I didn’t actually finish a first draft of NotMansfieldPark, I did reach the 30K mark and I’ve ironed out a huge number of important plot points and character arcs for the rest of the book. (Yes, it’s expanded from novella to novel. Are we surprised?) And in the waning hours of December 31st, I had some important epiphanies about myself.

So. About this new year. Here are the gentle goals I’ve set for myself:

• Finish NotMansfieldPark. Really. For sure. And by finish, I mean write the complete draft and make at least one editing pass.
• Be kinder to myself.

To all of you, I wish you joy and love in the New Year, and may 2022 bring us all what we need.